Bombarded by so much noise, and so many medical opinions of why we're overweight, and what we should do to 'fix' ourselves, we women often get fooled into thinking that the problem is what we're eating. It's not. It's what's eating us!
Stress Kills!
Did you know that 85% of all illnesses are stress related? And that the World Health Organization has proclaimed stress to be the number 1 global epidemic? Stress kills! To deal with that stress and find the peace of mind necessary to untangle the knots in your life that often keep you eating when you're not hungry, you have to take steps to relax more so that you can tune into your body's own wisdom. Let me share with you how you can begin to reclaim your power over food and reconnect with your body.
Back in June of 2006, I read a book that completely rattled my ideas about my body and my relationship to food. I love that book simply for the reason that it had a single statement that completely turned my head around. In a single instant it caused me to see myself differently, with more compassion for my body than I ever had before. Are you ready for it? Here it is:
"Food is not the issue"
In her book "Eating in the Light of the Moon: How Women Can Transform Their Relationships with Food through Myths, Metaphors & Storytelling" Anita Johnston, Ph.D. explains why food is not the real culprit behind your challenges with weight.
She explains why it is so seductively easy to fall into the trap of thinking that your weight is the problem. She says "food is not the issue. It's actually the Red Herring. A red herring is a term used to describe something that's designed to confuse or divert attention from something else. For example if you like to read Whodunit type mysteries, the red herring would be the most likely suspect, the person who the author wants you to focus on, fooling you into thinking that person is the killer." By keeping your attention on that character, the author can build the suspense leading to the surprising reveal of the most unlikely suspect; the actual killer.
Now let's look at this in terms of food and your relationship to your body. If you're like me, and you have a long term history of dieting in your past, you've learned to think about food as the problem and dieting as the answer. But it's not, because unless you actually learn to deal with the issues that keep on driving your hunger, your success with dieting will only always be short term and fleeting.
The Mind/Body Connection
Our minds and bodies are interconnected and in constant communication with each other. If you're overweight and struggle with negative thoughts about your body, discount your needs and eat to soothe your pain, then your body is trying its best to handle the surge of stress chemicals flooding it, by creating a degree of emotional - and physical - discomfort.
This discomfort is a warning sign that your body is out of alignment with its natural ability to balance and heal itself. That's when you feel bad, angry, sad, resentful and generally unsettled. If you're suppressing your needs and pretending that everything is hunky dory, when it's clearly not, the pain will only get stronger.
You've probably heard the messages urging you to pay attention, yet unaware of what they really mean, perhaps you've been ignoring them for years, hoping that they might go away. But they don't. As one of my mentors, Mind Development Trainer and Coach, John Felitto says, "emotional discomfort first comes in a whisper, then a scream, then a shove on the shoulder and ultimately a frying pan."
Just like a tiger with a thorn in its paw, something is hurting you and causing you to eat compulsively and think about food when your body is not actually physically hungry. Something is causing you to resent the body you have and wish you could change it. Your feelings of unhappiness are telling you that something is wrong and off balance.
How to Make Your Thoughts Work For You
So how do you turn it around? How do you see past the unconscious mental static that's been poisoning you? How do you find the thorn in your paw? It's not enough to try to think positively, that's akin to putting perfume on a pile of poop. Eventually it begins to smell and you fall back on your old stinking thinking.
As a professional coach, I've learned that our beliefs, feelings and behaviors are connected. As emotional eaters, we have a tendency to believe a lot of things about ourselves, our bodies and our relationship to food that is not true. By accepting these beliefs as true it sets up a vicious cycle of feeling bad and seeking out food for comfort. To break that cycle, you have to become more conscious of those unconscious beliefs that are driving you to feel the way that you do. Taking more opportunities for yourself to sit quietly and open yourself up to a space of love will help you to be able to filter out what feels true and what is really a lie.
Questioning Your Irrational Beliefs
In her book, "The Rules of Normal Eating: A Commensense Approach for Dieters, Overeaters, Undereaters, Emotional Eaters and Everyone In Between!" author, Karen R. Koenig, LICSW, M.ED., says,"it's your irrational belief about your lack of power that keeps you stuck in the first place - with food, weight and body image issues. The power to change is inside you, itching to get out. Dare to unleash it and watch your life transform itself."
Pretty powerful stuff - our beliefs. In the book, Dr. Koenig shares a 4 page list of many of the beliefs that emotional eaters generally accept as true. To give you the gist of it, here are the categories she discovered with a few limiting beliefs from each. This is by no means an exhaustive list, and some of these may not apply to you, but now with these as samples, you can go deeper and question some of your own individual limiting beliefs.
1. Irrational Beliefs about food
There are good foods (such as low calorie and low fat) and there are bad foods (high calorie and high fat)
Food is the enemy
Food is dangerous and scary
Eating fattening foods will make me fat
I can never get enough food
2. Irrational Beliefs about eating
I have to eat fast or someone else will get more than I do
If I start eating something I like, I'll never stop
I can't eat dessert first
I can't keep an open bag of M&Ms in the house. I'd end up eating them all.
I can't control what I'm eating without a diet
I have to eat three meals a day plus snacks
Eating is better than feeling emotional pain or discomfort
I'm ashamed of how I eat
I can't stand eating around other people
3. Irrational Beliefs about weight
I have to be thin
I can't ever be happy with myself unless I lose weight
To stay in control, I have to weigh myself every day
I'm too fat
I can only be sexy when I'm thinner
I won't buy any clothes for myself until I lose at least 20 pounds
All my problems will disappear when I reach my goal weight
4. Irrational Beliefs about your body
My body is something to be ashamed of
I'll always be unlovable as long as I'm fat
I can't be healthy if I'm overweight
I can't wear a bathing suit in public. Everyone will stare at my fat thighs.
I'll always have these fat thighs
A Piece of Quiet
I've found that the best way to question my limiting beliefs has been when I am alone. I've realized that it's so important to create space for your body and intuition to speak to you. In her book, "Naomi's Breakthrough Guide: 20 Choices to Transform Your Life," world famous country singer, Naomi Judd shares her inspiring story explaining how she was able to overcome a life-threatening health crisis and get her life back by making several attitude adjustments along the way.
In speaking about her daily ritual of the importance of sitting in silence or meditating each day, she says, "If I got out of bed in the morning and stepped onto a treadmill of activities, I'd be allowing everyone else to come first. I'd never hear the voice of my intuition. My cup would start out empty. I might be resentful or grouchy. But by entering the classroom of silence, I'm rooted in intuitive self knowledge that keeps me grounded. I begin my day by filling myself full of serenity and relaxation.
When I start this way, I enjoy my whole day so much more. Plus I'm then able to give others my best. I give out of my overflow. Before I feed or clothe my body, I feed my spirit by accessing my intuition. I would no more pass up my solitude time than I would leave my house hungry and naked. I call it my zoneola. To each, his zone."
My Experience with A Piece of Quiet: An Unexpectedly Delicious and Safe Appetite Suppressant
As a recovering type A hyper nuts personality, I've learned that when you start to make space in your day for a piece of quiet, you'll calm whatever inner turmoil you may be experiencing. Have you ever found yourself looking desperately for something to eat, opening and closing cabinets and your refrigerator, only to end up wanting to eat everything you see? I'm no longer a dieter, but once in awhile, I find myself so hungry that I want to eat everything in sight. I've discovered that desperate searching for food is a signal that I'm feeling empty. That's a perfect time to take a mini 'piece of quiet' break. I've found that it works like magic to hold off eating until after you've slowed down your thoughts. Many times when I sit down and meditate or just sit quietly, to soothe that desperate urge to eat everything, I won't want to eat for several hours afterward. Food gets put back into its proper perspective when my mind is clearer. And then later when I really feel like eating, I'll make something that I want and I'm usually surprised at how quickly my body gets satisfied when I eat that food. It feels so good having the awareness that I can eat what I want and leave the rest for later. No more clean plate club for me.
When you make your inner peace a priority, you'll be able to focus better and listen to the wisdom within. Then when you actually follow up and take action on the guidance you receive in your moments of solitude, you'll feel more at ease with your life.
That new sense of peaceful ease will increase your awareness of being grateful. Along with that, comes an appreciation and self respect with a bonus of wanting to be more compassionate with yourself. When you have developed a new habit of being gentler with yourself, you'll find that you won't be so quick to beat up on yourself with all the old negative Nancy chatter.
As I continue along this road to making peace with food and friends with my body, I know that my success and happiness rests on choosing to set aside time for me. Now I know that whenever I fall back on my old habits of emotional eating, I often recognize a pattern and see that I've been "forgetting" to take time for myself. Once I notice that, it's easy for me to just forgive myself and start over, renewing my commitment to make time for myself to enjoy that much needed piece of quiet in my life. To have that sense of inner calm that keeps my relationship with food and my life in balance, I have to take time out and go within, and listen to my body. Having the commitment to build that inner trust enables me to release the resistance that I had been holding around losing weight.
How You Can Get Started Enjoying Your Own 'Piece of Quiet'
Try it yourself. Start off small. Eyes open, eyes closed. It doesn't really matter. It's up to you. Take just five minutes and sit quietly in a spot where you can be alone. Pretty soon you'll decide that you want to extend your time. Do it in bits and pieces. Make it convenient for you. Sometimes I will sit in my car before I head out shopping and spend a few minutes just being quiet. I also like to sit down before I eat whenever I can to slow myself down. It's so nice to take some time to just observe your thoughts. By doing that, you'll be amazed how much easier it is to recognize when you're making mountains out of molehills. You'll see. Create a new wonderful routine of self care by finding bits of time in your day to enjoy a piece of quiet and see what miraculous changes occur.
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